My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
