Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
