Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
