Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
