My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
