She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
