I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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