I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
