You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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