My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Small penises have feelings too.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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