24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
