i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
