New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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