You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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