We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just pee around me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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