They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
