my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
