the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize