oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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