Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
