my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
