mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
