I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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