Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
