I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
