I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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