you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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