you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
