I puked a lego.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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