where am i from again
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
