On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
