I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am midnight drunk by noon
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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