i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
