That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
