so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
