He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
