My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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