you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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