It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
