she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
