You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
