there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
