Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
