I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
