I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
