He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
