my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
