My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
