the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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