i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
