Me too!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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